Is a good childhood one where I was berated on a daily basis? Berated for minutes about something minor or falsely perceived until I snap? Or be yelled at derisively on a consistent basis?
Is a good childhood one where I was never allowed to make boundaries? Where my mother’s boundaries are 20 miles in circumference around her, and I can’t have any space?
Is a good childhood one where I was bruised on a regular basis from excessive spanking? Spanked to the point that not only was I caught in the middle of dialing DCS, but my brother almost called too, because of the abuse my mom inflicted on me?
Is a good childhood one where I was required to be stifled by authoritarian rules at a cult, and at a school created by said cult, only to come home and be raised by a dictator? One where my Mom reminded me of a screaming cartoon yeti?
Is a good childhood one where I was never given a voice? One where I wasn’t allowed to pick my own clothing until I was 16? One where I was so intent on doing what my mom wanted that I listened to her perfect career for me, and the guy she wanted me to marry? (Married someone else.)
Is a good childhood one where the parent had no idea the potential of my intelligence, and was surprised that the teachers said I could get the highest type of academic degree from my high school? Or one that I felt so stupid that I registered for the GED three times before actually going to go take it, because I was so doubtful of my intelligence?
Is a good childhood one where the mother favors the younger child over the older one? A childhood devoid of affection, devoid of positive affirmation, and full of the paranoid delusions of my mother?
If this above is a good childhood, then I’m raising my children incorrectly. However, we know this is not the truth.
And this above writing may seem melodramatic, but my mother seems to think that my childhood wasn’t “that bad” during one conversation, and that what she did to me was because an elder of the cult told her to on another occasion, and on another occasion that I “deserved” the punishment I received because I “mouthed off”. I’m baffled at her delusion about this. In none of these scenarios, does she take the blame. The more I read the more I am convinced that my mother definitely has NPD.